An attorney was driving through the country side when his car failed him.  He looked under the hood and knocked a few items around with a hammer.  In the process he knocked off a gas line and got his arm soaked with gas before getting it back on.  Discouraged, he attempted to start his car.  Much to his surprise it started and he headed for the nearest town for a permanent repair.
To celebrate his success he lit up a cigarette, at which time his arm exploded into flames.  He stuck his arm out the window hoping the wind at 50 miles per hour would put it out.  He was promptly pulled over by a local constable and given a ticket for an illegal use of a firearm.
The Judge said to the defendant. "I thought I told you I never wanted to see you in here again."
"Your Honor," the criminal said, "that's what I tried to tell the police, but they wouldn't listen."
Officer: "And you still insist you're innocent, in spite of the fact that we have six witnesses to the crime ?"
Offender: "If it's witnesses you want, I can produce seventy people who didn't see me steal the stuff!"
Offender: "You can't arrest me for this.  I didn't do anything wrong and I'm a man with the courage of my convictions."
Officer: "Yes, I see that.  According to your record, you've had six of them already."